Ed's Blog
Ed's
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One of my biggest fears that I've had and struggled with for a while was eating in public. Not only in public, but I didn’t like eating around anyone including my family and friends. The embarrassment that I felt when eating around someone would sometimes be unbearable. I would get so messy with my food whenever I would eat anything, it would be all over my face and clothes. I never had the stability in my hands to bring a spoon/fork up to my mouth because of the twitches in my arms and hands, so I would always bring my face as close to the spoon just enough to get to my food. Sometimes my face would be so close to my plate it would look like I’m eating off my plate instead of the spoon, lol.
Then came the embarrassment of dropping my food on the floor or tossing my food across the table. All of this would happen uncontrollably, by the way, I had no idea of how to stop the twitches from happing. Some days the twitches/nerves would be so calmed but then out of nowhere, I would have the biggest nerves jump/spasms whenever I would be eating. Again, I couldn’t explain myself to anyone about how or why it happened. This annoyed my mom and my family so much, lol. They would always tell me to take my time and the spasms wouldn’t happen but in my head, I’m like, um no, that’s not what’s causing the spasms. My mom, never have been a quitter on none of my capabilities and the possibilities of what could happen if I’d practice at anything that she thought was achievable and I love her so much for that. However, with this issue things were a little different. The more annoyed my mom would become at me from having these out of where big spams, whenever I would be eating in front of her or others, is the more annoyed that I became with her for telling me to take my time and stop rushing. It wasn’t until I became a teenager when I started asking questions and really began to educate myself on my disability and learn how it affects my body. Yea, I knew that I had Cerebral Palsy but was that it or was more attached to it that I didn’t know about. To my expectations, there were more complications attached to my CP disability. One of the conditions called Dystonia, an involuntary movement disorder explained how it affects the body. As I learned more about Dystonia I realized how it affects me. It wasn’t long after that I started to accept it as this is a part of who I am. Did I ask for it, no, but I never ask to be born with Cerebral Palsy either. However, I’ve learned to embrace it and live with it. It took a long time for me to build up the confidence to be able to get over my fear of eating in public or just around people in general but once conquered it things became less and less worrisome for me. Now, I’m comfortable eating anywhere and in front of anyone even knowing that at any moment my food can go flying across the room. I just say unashamedly that the Dystonia made me do it…lol. My lesson learned from this process, is to never let the uncontrollable conditions of your disability keep you from enjoying everything that life has to offer.
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